About me

I'm 27 years old. Sometimes I feel like if I was 80. Some other times, like just 5. Right now, 15 is a good number.

I'm ponctual and I hate delays. I hate some laws and some habits. I hate someone, intentionally or not, telling me what to do. I hate the sound of the chalk on a blackboard. I hate my feet. I hate TV (not the shows, but the device). I hate telephone. I hate pills, but I need it. I hate the fact that life doesn't have a soundtrack. I hate monothematic people. I hate people with no sense of humor. I hate people. I hate sundays and mondays. I hate so many things but I never wondered about why and some people tell me that I'm a pointless hater. It's true, probably. Right now, I hate this fact and I hate even more the fact that some of my best friends are out of town, because I really need them today. That I can hate in peace, no needs of explanation.

I love some things, too. I love cats and dogs. I love the winter, the wind and the rain. I love september. I love my family. I love chocolate and strawberry. I love beer. I really love martini. I love jokes and irony. I love travel, more the road than the arrival. I love learning languages. I love driving, but I never got a car. I love art. I love comic books and all the other kinds of books, sci-fi movies, zombie movies and all the other kinds of movies. I love good music. I do not have unchangeable parameters for what is good. I love fridays. I love people (yeah, I contradict myself often). I love being alive. I love Caio Fernando Abreu and David Foster Wallace. I love the Davids, Fincher and Lynch and I love Charlie Kaufman. I love Billie Holiday and Nina Simone. The list goes on and on... I love so many things. I love more than I hate. Maybe I'm a pointless lover too, but I don't care. I love the fact that you love some of the things that I love and I love this glow in your eyes.

I was born and raised in Curitiba, so I am a cold person, not a cool one. I am totally systematic, insane about organization, and all my things have their own spot. The first thing I notice about any person is the hands and, after that, the shoes. I like your hands and I like your shoes. I drink about ten bottles of water per day. I don't believe in God. I'm learning french by myself. I'm thinking about get back to theater class. I'm a crap singer but I like to sing and some people like to hear. I laugh at myself, a lot. I like to play poker online. I cook very well, but I'm lazy. I have a serious rejection complex. I have problems to say no and troubles to sleep. I am a incurable postponer. My hands get wet when I am nervous and I can feel my heart. It is a funny thing: feeling your heart. You always know that it is there, but feeling it is another story. Right now, I'm feeling my heart, although not as much as yesterday.

I never travelled for out of the country. I never broke a bone, I never needed surgery, but I sure had my share of stitches. I never defied gravity. I never won the lottery. Nobody never wrote me a song. I played "I never" once and got drunk. I never thought that I'd meet somebody like you. I always keep secrets. I always cry my heart out when I watch drama movies. I'm always ready to drink a beer, or twelve. I already planted a tree and wrote a book. I already quitted smoking and got back to it, twice. I already ate a meal good enough to be my last.

I fear the death. I don't know how to deal with death, at all. I have this room in my place, where the cat, Jeremias, used to sleep. The cat died, two years ago, but I still refer to the room as Jeje's room. I fear the other's death and my own, too. Specially when I realize that I will not have time to do all the things that I wanna do, know all the places that I wanna know, meet all the people that I wanna meet, read all the books that I wanna read, watch all the movies that I wanna watch... I fear the scientists and their predictions of the world's end in 2012. I have this really crazy fear of cockroaches (just the word creeps me out). I fear hate and I fear love. I fear the "looking back" moment thirty, forty years from now. I fear you sometimes. I fear the fact that I don't know what I want and I will probably end up with a lot I don't.

But the things that I hate, the things that I love, what I'm, what I fear... All these things can change. I'm always changing. And I'm always confused, honey. About everything. Even about the things that I'm supposed to know for sure. Right now, I guess I know, but I'm afraid to be wrong. And I'm afraid, even more or a little less, to be right. In either ways, I don't know what to do... And that's all.